I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Randomize
