Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
