yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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