Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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