I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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