oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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