I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
