im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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