i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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