lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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