don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
