dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
