i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
