zippers are such a cool invention
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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