Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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