I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
