She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
