Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.