that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?