he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.