Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
