He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
