The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
where does the pee come out of this thing
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
