ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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