I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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