My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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