Can i not drive my cunt home
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm too high and old for this...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize