Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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