last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
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My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize