So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
