gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
