Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
