First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
