Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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