We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
