we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How does it feel to date your dad?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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