I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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