just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
