He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Less talking, more tequila
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize