Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
