she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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