I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
