Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
