My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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