That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
