I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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