Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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