I hate all girls vehemently.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
