i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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