By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
