The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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