So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
