Im at strip club and am horny
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize