I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
