Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
