i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
