We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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