just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
