I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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