I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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