Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
