why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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