you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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