u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
3 2 1 whiskey
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.