does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Tell her she can't have a vagina
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever