Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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