I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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