Fuck appropriateness.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
