you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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