I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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