ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
